Submission VS Masochism

mas·och·ism/’mas??kiz?m/Noun
1. The tendency to derive pleasure, esp. sexual gratification, from one’s own pain
2. (in general use) The enjoyment of what appears to be painful or tiresome.

sub·mis·sion/s?b’miSH?n/Noun
1. The action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.
2. An act of surrendering to a hold by one’s opponent.

I would like to take a moment to discuss the distinction between the above definitions.

So often, in the world of BDSM, we link these things together. Masochism is seen as a trait that bottoms and/or slaves indulge while in the submissive state. The enjoyment (or willingness to endure) pain being part of their servitude. I think it’s important to add that this is, in fact, a fairly common occurrence. Many submissives do derive fulfillment from masochistic experiences. Many masochists also consider themselves submissive in nature.

However, while these traits are not mutually exclusive, they are also most definitely not synonymous.

One does not need to enjoy pain in order to enjoy submitting to a dominant authority. The flip side of this is that someone who is sexually turned on by pain and physical exertion does not necessarily desire to be under another person’s dominion.

Case in point:

When asked my orientation as a player within the community, I can most accurately describe myself as a dominant masochist. When I say this, I get a lot of confused looks (see people looking at me like lost puppies or with utter incredulity). I’m always a bit surprised by this, because, for me, the difference between the two is fairly obvious.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

I say dominant because I am a control freak and I have no desire to debase myself under another person’s will. I don’t care if watching me bark like a dog tickles you pink; if it doesn’t make me happy, I’m not doing it. End of story.

I say masochist because I naturally eroticize pain. The physical sensation gives me all kinds of pleasant endorphins and I get a kick out of the challenge, seeing just how far I can push myself. Do note that I say seeing how far I can push myself – the top’s preference doesn’t really enter the equation for me. I like to be hurt the way, I want to be hurt.

Layman’s terms: Yes, you can spank me, but don’t fucking tell me what to do

Kisses,

Noel